So my 6 month evaluation is coming up this friday at work and we were sent home with this study guide for an hour-long verbal test. The only passing score is 100%. Anything else is a failure and any one of us who “fails”, “based on established criteria, may be remediated for supervision and corrections shall be documented by the supervisor who is responsible for assuring that the staff member is in full compliance with expectations”.

I’m really fucking nervous. I have been all week. This has really been an awful week, because on top of the nervousness, I’ve had to deal with clients treating me like shit all week, too. Has it really been six months already? It feels like January was last week.

I suppose it goes to show just how much time this job has sucked out of my life. For someone who has to be constantly aware of how much time I spend doing what for the sake of billing and productivity hours, my sense of time has become so warped, ahahahah.

But 6 months. I’m officially halfway there. I told myself I’d stick with this job for a year before I break out of the cage my life has been for so long. I’ve felt trapped in Indiana ever since high school and I have been determined to get out of here ever since, one way or another— but likewise, one way or another, I end up being stuck here all the same.

But getting a job has been a game changer. I have experience now. I have money now. The key to freedom and the fresh start on life I’ve been dying to have for many, many years now is only 6 more months away. All I need to do is wait for the right time to use it. The only real reason why I wish to stick with this job is because I want it to look good on a resume. This is a job that requires a person to go way above and beyond by default, and the number of skills I have gained in such a short time are going to prove valuable anywhere I go. And it’s going to look fucking stellar on a resume, I will make sure of that. I just want that resume to say I was at this place for a full year, so it doesn’t look like I cut and run as soon as I had a few paychecks. Which is frankly an urge I’ve been resisting for months now, but hey.

But right now I’m literally just biding my time. Once my paid time off hours reach two weeks, I’m gonna take a nice long paid vacation. I plan on doing that this September. Then I’d have one more month of tying up loose ends here, and I’m out.

I need to get out. I can’t deal with this place anymore. I hate it here and I have hated it here in Indiana for as long as I can remember. And I’m tired of having to put up with family arguments, too. My parents have been divorced now for literally half of my life, and I have literally spent every day of my life since 2002 going from house to house, alternating every day, not sleeping in the same bed on consecutive nights unless it’s a weekend, which also alternate. When I turned 16, I was given the choice to choose a residence. I couldn’t do it. It felt like I was being manipulated to choose a parent to live with and no matter what my parents said, I knew that the one I didn’t choose would resent me for it. And the choice came up again when I was 18. I chose to stay in the same system, regardless. If I can appease both of them and keep the peace in the family, I’ll do that. When I turned 21, I was told I was free to come and go to whichever house on whichever night I pleased. I tried that a few times and it was always met with anger toward me ending in “UGH. OKAY, JUST GO ALREADY”.

There’s only one solution in this problem that I have been able to see for all of this time and it is “neither”. Choose neither. Remain neutral as I always have. And just move out of the state. Pack up my life and start anew, a life where my agency comes first and god help me if it gets compromised again like it has been all this time. A fresh start, where the path before me is one for my fresh footsteps and not one predetermined for me. A path I’ve been slowly pushing toward for so long now.

And yet, even as I sit here, 24 years old, I still have to deal with custody arguments (as a result, I’ve learned to utterly loathe holidays), but always with the shoehorned-in “oh, but you can choose whose house you go to, it’s fine!”. No it isn’t. And I have been sitting here with this post open for about an hour and a half because my mom was in here complaining about my dad and saying “thanks for the reminder why I’m not married to him anymore” and “you DO know you can choose to go wherever you want, you have that right”. Damn right I do. Doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for making that choice though, because no matter where I go, I’m going to be given hell over it.

And that’s why the best option is to remove myself from the equation altogether and move away.

6 more months.

God, let me keep my sanity for that much longer.

ryukoforrealjustice:

TERFs seem oblivious to the idea that post-transition trans women who have gotten bottom surgery actually exist. Sorry guys, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock are just illiusions made by the neo-genderist cult.

i am under the impression that terfs wouldn’t care if a trans woman had bottom surgery anyway, they’d just say that they’re perverted men who took drastic measures to lie to themselves and others

also ~*~chromosomes~*~

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wolflun:

matsurisunrise:

wolflun:

matsurisunrise:

magicalgirlfanproblems:

Shiny Luminous’s dress

oh look yet another “fan problem” that neither has anything to do with fans nor is a problem

The problem is that the suit is horrible at least in a 13 y/o girl and not 5. Doesn’t even have a form or works without looking ridiculous. By the way: I dont need that the problem is something with the fandom, im not interested on being in one, i like the series by myself and i don’t need that a group of ppl to call oneself fandom of anything tell me what i need to think about it or not so your bitch angry “belonging to the fandom of precure” you can save it for yourself or shove it up your ass because i don’t even give a fuck about it.

I have a vague admiration of your nerve to actually address me directly instead of being sickeningly passive aggblah blah blah im a ugly bitch blah blah bla blah bitch bitch bitch im so angre bitch bitch bitch blah bla blah im a ugly bitch blah blah blah social justice blah blah blah butthurt blah blah blah walltext blah blah bitch bitch bitch im a doge wow really really angre so mad and so bitch bitch bitch bitch and blah blah blah fuck fuck you!!1 so angre!!!!1

i repeat i don’t give a shit about your opinion, i’m not even going to give me the time to read it, fantard. lulz

image

image

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image

it’s a true all-purpose condiment

becoming a regular at a local Vietnamese restaurant was one of the better things I have done with my life recently

i have come to realize that spicy food is actually pretty awesome when it’s actually got, you know, flavor

(i had been turned off by spicy food for all this time because in American cuisine, at least around here, it’s either tremendously bland or SO SPICY FOR THE SAKE OF BEING SPICY it’s just a novelty for the dorks who like the thrill of pain and disgusting flavors)

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it has been a recent realization of mine that sriracha makes good food better and bland food palatable

in the case of 5 minutes ago, it was the latter

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overlypolitebisexual:

"cishet is a slur" lmfao do you hold your breath and recoil every time you hear that word, do you associate it with violence, do you fear for your life when you hear it tumbling out of someone’s mouth, do you have to listen to people you thought were your friends using it like it’s a joke, has anyone been killed over that word, has it been used to oppress and harm you for centuries? no i didn’t fucking think so grow up

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wolflun:

matsurisunrise:

magicalgirlfanproblems:

Shiny Luminous’s dress

oh look yet another “fan problem” that neither has anything to do with fans nor is a problem

The problem is that the suit is horrible at least in a 13 y/o girl and not 5. Doesn’t even have a form or works without looking ridiculous. By the way: I dont need that the problem is something with the fandom, im not interested on being in one, i like the series by myself and i don’t need that a group of ppl to call oneself fandom of anything tell me what i need to think about it or not so your bitch angry “belonging to the fandom of precure” you can save it for yourself or shove it up your ass because i don’t even give a fuck about it.

I have a vague admiration of your nerve to actually address me directly instead of being sickeningly passive aggressive about it. I’ll always appreciate the former over the latter.

Still, rofl what the hell dude. You can dial down the hostility about a dozen notches because you’re showing me just how much that you, indeed, do give a fuck by getting so heated over something so petty.

Also for the record I’d be more apologetic about being irritated at how so many fan problems posted have nothing to do with the fandom, as the description of the blog would suggest, but my apologies are entirely directed at the mod of the blog (who I know is a pretty cool person and what I said was never directed at them anyway) rather than the people who are being really shitty about it, so. (And indeed, since the mod has said that the posts don’t have to pertain to the fandom, I shall respect that and hold my tongue on it now.)

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